Third Annual Portland Music Awards - Crystal Ballroom (Portland, OR; Jan. 28, 2010)

Had I awoken from a cryogenic slumber and found myself at the 2010 Portland Music Awards, I could hardly have been more dismayed than Woody Allen’s unwitting time traveler in Sleeper. Granted, I wasn’t faced with an Orwellian police state, but the unexpected transformation of the Crystal Ballroom into a status-obsessed glitterati gala was no less alarming, and even a little sinister. Here I was, in one of Portland’s most hallowed venues, surrounded by fashionistas variously attired in tuxedos, evening gowns, stilettos, silly golf hats, and not a few alarmingly skimpy dresses. (For the record, I was representing in my standard dress fare of jeans, shit kickers, and a thrift store sportcoat.) On stage, I witnessed a slew of performers whose Portland roots, at least, were indisputable. The same could not be said of their significance to the local music scene that the PMAs were allegedly conceived to celebrate. Repeated reference to Dennis Mitchell, a member of the Kingsmen only as of 2006, as a living legend did not cheapen the evening; it merely served to remind everyone that it was cheap to begin with. Likewise the adulation heaped on Marv and Rindy Ross, who at least can claim to be founding members of their band. But while Quarterflash may have stood head and shoulders above their Rose City peers in their day, one has to question whether that is a testament to the importance of the band, or merely the slim pickings the city had to offer in the ‘80’s. Hell, we may as well stick Courtney Love on a pedestal while we’re at it. At least she’s managed to avoid slipping out of our collective consciousness.

The evening began with a performance by the Wanderlust Circus. Was it entertaining? Hard to say. The volume of conversation around me was such that I couldn’t really hear the music, but from my vantage point I can testify at least that they employed funny costumes and lassoes, which is always commendable. The bulk of the audience, however, seemed indifferent at best. Following their performance came a light-hearted video feature purporting to show the auditions of a range of celebrities, from Aimee Mann to Jerry Glanville, for the position of PMA host. Though initially entertaining (and Mann’s bits were particularly endearing), ultimately the presentation dragged on several minutes beyond anyone’s attention span, and then ended abruptly when someone apparently hit the eject button on the CD-Rom drive. That snafu would portend the general lack of professionalism and showmanship that was on display for the rest of the evening.

Co-hosts Chloe Houser and one or another of the Baldwin Brothers then made their first of several appearances, and throughout the night were reasonably charismatic if not outright entertaining. Many presenters, however, were clearly unpracticed and ill-prepared, including “celebrity presenter” and Journey drummer Deen Castronovo, who was giddy to the point of incoherence, and Commissioner Nick Fish, who had to be reminded repeatedly to put his mouth somewhere in the vicinity of the microphone while speaking. Worse, many of the presenters ended up not presenting an award to anyone at all, the majority of the so-called recipients being conspicuously absent. Of course, the crew from KINK FM were present to accept the two awards they hauled in, leaving little question as to which radio station worked the hardest to publicize the event. Music Millennium president Terry Currier, who can rightly take pride in his three consecutive Best Record Store Awards, was in attendance as well. Otherwise, though, the event seems to have been stood up by the bulk of its honorees. Even Mississippi Studios, which won in the Best Small Venue category in its first year of operation, neglected to send a representative.

As troubling as all of this was, though, perhaps the worst aspect of the Awards was the sheer nonsense of many of the nominations. As the Mercury has pointed out, Loch Lomond’s two entries for Album of the Year are, in fact, an EP and a single. The Decemberists won in that category with Hazards of Love, widely considered their weakest offering in several years. Best Female Artist went to Storm Large, which is alright, except for the fact that neither Laura Viers nor Alela Diane was even nominated. And Best New Artist went to Kate Davis (who? Right.) in a field that included Blind Pilot, Y La Bamba, and Explode into Colors. The Thermals received no nominations, perhaps in part because punk, along with hip-hop, does not get its own award. PMA founder Craig Marquardo explained to melophobe that this is simply because neither genre has enough of a “scene” in Portland. If that’s true, one wonders how country, classical, and world music managed to be recognized.

For someone generally attuned to the Portland music scene, much of the evening was absolutely surreal. Yes, “indie music”, that catch-all phrase, is hardly the only thing happening out there, but if Portland has any notoriety as a music city, it is surely thanks to the plethora of acts operating under that umbrella. It was strange, then, to see those musicians so thoroughly neglected. Not that there is any mystery to it—it was simply a function of the population that took an interest. Neatly illustrating the inherent contradiction, a woman sitting near me who wasprobably in her late-20’s told her neighbor that she’d never been to the Crystal Ballroom before, and didn’t think she’d come back. Sadly, she seems to have been fairly representative of the audience, and it is that fact as much as anything that challenges the legitimacy of the PMAs. Perhaps the winners are chosen by popular vote, but if the people doing the voting aren’t deeply interested in music, aren’t immersed in the local music scene, then how much does that really say?

The reality, of course, is that Portland has a vibrant and diverse music scene. The PMAs, while presumably nice for those who’ve won or been nominated, do nothing to add to that. Indeed, given the questionable nominations and shoddy production value, the general effect would be to make a mockery of the Portland music scene, but for the fact that the distinctly unPortlandlike atmosphere of the whole thing fortuitously serves to disassociate the city from the event. Overall, then, in spite of the vitriol heaped upon the PMAs by various media outlets around town, really no harm has been done. And if people like Kate Davis, who is in fact a wonderful musician, can translate their awards and nominations into much deserved publicity, then all the better. But Portland’s music fans surely don’t need an awards show to know that we have something special here, and I’d hazard a guess that our many talented musicians can get along just fine without one as well.

Portland Music Awards review to your liking? You'll sweat:

Douchebaggery, Dumbassedness, and the Death of an Icon: Top Ten Lowlights of 2009

Blind Pilot + Builders & Butchers + Langhorne Slim et al. - Crystal Ballroom (MFNW 2009; Sept. 19)

Blitzen Trapper + Alela Diane - Paradise Rock Club (Boston, MA; Feb. 26, 2009)

Pickathon Indie Roots Music Festival: Saturday - Pendarvis Farm (Happy Valley, OR; Aug. 1, 2009)

3 comments thus far ...

Concerts We Recommend

melophobe sponsors

Connect To melophobe

1. melophobe
2. concert reviews
3. fifty-word reviews
4. articles
5. links
6.